My youngest son is spending the week at Boys State. In just a few short days, he transformed from the soldier of fortune combating alien invaders (see previous post) to a formal statesman concentrating on issues and affairs of state government.
There is a family precedent for his attendance at Boys State. His two brothers attended the program after their junior years in high school, and his sister was a Girls State delegate. Even their father attended Boys State many years ago. That leaves just me. I am the family’s lone civic disappointment.
At my high school, a student body election determined who would be the Girls and Boys State delegates. My junior class had about 400 students, and I was not particularly well-known or admired, or by any means, one of the “popular” people. This reality was instrumental in my decision not to run for Girls State. I had the desire to participate in the program, but at the time I convinced myself I made a pragmatic and sensible decision: I would not run because I would not win what I concluded would be a popularity contest. Looking back on the decision now, I acknowledge that I didn’t run, less because I did not think I could win, but more because I could not bear to lose.
A person severely limits his potential if he only attempts things that he already knows he will be successful in doing. This is not truly winning, because a true winner is not someone who hates losing. A winner is someone who wants to win badly enough that he is not afraid to risk losing in order to obtain his goal. In my Girls State decision, I dreaded the thought of losing so much that I did not even try to win. I was definitely not a winner, even though I avoided what I thought would have been a humiliating loss.
I know of a capable, qualified man who has applied unsuccessfully several times for a community position. Is he a loser? Not at all. Despite disappointing setbacks, he understands that his value and worth as a person are not based on acquiring this position. He continues to strive for his goal, because, to him, the attainment of it is worth the risk of an unsuccessful attempt.
From my vantage point now as a much more mature adult, I see that in my Girls State experience, I could have claimed victory regardless of the election outcome. I could have been a winner if I had been able to conquer my fear, and my concern about public opinion. I could have been a winner if I realized that a loss did not mean I was a total loser, or conversely, that a win enlarged and defined my self-worth. Such distinctions and conclusions that separate events and others’ perceptions and opinions from one’s own ego were not obvious to me as a 16-year old girl who was very confident about some things, but painfully insecure in others.
Today I would run for election to Girls State, even against the odds. I’ve learned that being successful by playing not to lose sometimes produces only shallow satisfaction. In the long run, being willing to sustain a loss can be a foundation for securing a gratifying win.
Posted by Cyppy at 9:49 AM
